GORE ANNOUNCES CAMPAIGN AGAINST "GLOBAL COOLING"

Washington - Former Vice President Al Gore today announced that he is giving up his campaign against global warming, and starting a new campaign to end what he calls "global cooling."

Said Gore, "After the many recent blizzards and cold snaps we've had in the United States this winter, even in the Deep South, I have slowly come to the realization that the earth is now cooling at an alarming pace. We have to do something to stop this right now."

Gore already has a book and movie in development on the subject. Tentatively titled "An Even More Inconvenient Truth," they will describe what Gore says is the newest and most frightening risk to our planet. In an interview, he emphasized to reporters the seriousness of the phenomenon, saying, "If we don't take bold and decisive steps to stop this soon, it may eventually affect our ability to take beach vacations and shoot Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions."

No polar bears could be reached for comment before press time.