CONGRESSMAN SHUNNED AFTER PRESIDENT'S SPEECH

Washington - Congressman Millard P. Bupkus (R - Iowa) was shunned by his fellow Republicans after last night's State of the Union address, after he reportedly clapped three different times and stood up once while only Democrats were clapping and standing.

Bupkus, a freshman congressman from Ruthven, IA, was apparently unaware that he was only supposed to clap or stand after lines that the Republican leadership had pre-approved as clap-worthy or stand-worthy.

"I just don't know what got into me," said an embarrassed Bupkus. "I mean, I got it right on the 'America is still the greatest nation on the face of the earth' line. But I guess I got carried away after the president said he 'didn't come here to Washington to engage in partisan bickering, he came here to solve problems for the people of this great country' line."

The State of the Union address is known for its carefully choreographed standing and clapping maneuvers, during which the opposition party is careful to stand and clap only for certain of the president's lines and not for others.

Said a sympathetic fellow legislator, "You have to feel a little bad for the guy. It's really hard to know which platitudes to clap for and which ones not to. It took me a couple of terms before I got it right."

In a related story, three TV cameramen were hospitalized after being temporarily blinded by Vice President Joe Biden's over-whitened teeth.