CANDIDATE "I WANT TO SPEND LESS TIME WITH MY FAMILY!"

Washington - Congressman Lloyd P. Snorkheimer (R - North Dakota) has announced that he will be running for reelection next fall, stating that he wants to "spend less time with my family."

He is believed to be the first candidate in modern times to make such a candid public statement. More typical have been announcements by politicians disgraced by sex scandals, federal indictments or bone-headed public comments that they won't be running in order to spend more time with their families.

Says Snorkheimer, "My wife's a pain in the tush, my kids play their music way too loud, and I'm frankly having a lot more fun here in Washington than I ever could freezing my butt off in Bismarck! I guess I don't care who knows it, either!"