HEALTH BILL PASSES, DEATH PANELS TO START ON TUESDAY

Washington - Now that the much-awaited new health care legislation has finally passed in the House of Representatives, the White House has announced that the "death panels" the new law provides for will start operating as soon as next Tuesday.

Said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "All of the nonsense you've been hearing since the election about President Obama being a 'secret Muslim' or a non-U.S. citizen is just that, nonsense. But we're really looking forward to setting up those death panels!"

No one is quite sure how the panels will work, but one Obama Administrative official, speaking off the record, hinted that the plug will be pulled first on "Republicans, Fox News commentators and pop singer Alanis Morissette." When asked what the pop singer had to do with opposition to the president's agenda, the source replied "Nothing, she's just whiny and we don't like her."

Meanwhile, the new bill doesn't become law until it is re-approved by the Senate, after which any proposed amendments must be re-re-approved by the House, etc. Said one historian, "Put plenty of change in the meter if you're waiting for THIS one!"

(c) 2010 Barry Rabin. All rights reserved.