Friday, October 19, 2007
TRICK-OR-TREAT COSTUME IDEAS FOR ‘07
Okay, so there are no carols to sing or sleigh bells to ring. Halloween is still one of my favorites holidays.
After all, on what other night can you dress up in a costume and mask, show up at strangers’ doors, demand that they give you something and not get blown away by a 12-gauge shotgun?
Lots of kids will go out again this year dressed as the usual princesses, pirates and vampires. But here are some fresh ideas for those of you whose kids would prefer to wear a costume that’s right out of the headlines:
George W. Bush – What greater honor can there be than having your little Timmy or Tommy (I guess these days it’s your little Connor or Tanner) dressed up as our commander-in-chief. The costume would be simple: a nice business suit, a light blue, I’m-a-warm-and-caring-kind-of-guy necktie, and rose-colored glasses to see the war effort in Iraq as a perpetual “mission accomplished.” Oh, and a calendar to count down the days until the next guy (or gal) inherits his mess.
O. J. Simpson – Here’s a great idea for a group costume. When the homeowner opens the front door for the trick-or-treaters, the whole entourage comes storming in – toy guns in hand – with the last entrant dressed in a football jersey, yelling, “Give me my @#$%& candy, you &%$#@!!!” A nice additional touch: have the “star” hold the Heisman Trophy in one hand and a book entitled “How I Would Have Demanded Candy If I Had Done It Which I Didn’t” in the other.
Hillary Clinton – Here’s a role that’s perfect for your little Sally or Suzie (okay, Taylor or MacKenzie). First, have her sleep the night before with a coat hanger in her mouth, so she can look extra-smiley. Then, dress her up in a business suit peppered with “Hillary ‘08” campaign buttons. And be sure to have her bring puppies or kittens with her, just to make sure that the mom or dad at each house she visits can see how “warm and fuzzy” she can be. Oh, and have her bring a cruise missile along in a wagon, just to show her tough side.
Al Gore – The child who trick-or-treats in this costume should stuff a few pounds of padding around his midsection, show up in a Toyota Prius, and have a plastic Nobel Prize medal around his neck. Extra touches could include an “I Hate Ralph Nader!” button, a "Hang a Chad on THIS!" T-shirt and a little “lock box” labeled “SOCIAL SECURITY TRUST FUND” to put his candy in. And to really do it right? Bring along his blonde-haired sister or neighbor to smash a Rap CD on the doorstep at every stop.
Osama bin Laden – I know I’ve probably suggested this costume in past years, but since my guess is that he’s altered his appearance to evade capture, this could be a creative one again this year. To do Osama this year, have your kid dress like anybody who isn’t obviously an Arab terrorist – you know, Hip-Hop performer, NHL hockey player, rabbi, etc. Then, have him go around with a fake beard hanging out of his pocket an a flowing white robe stuffed into his bag. Oh, and be sure he remembers to say “Death to the Great Satan America!” at every stop, instead of “Trick-or-Treat” or “Thank-You!”
Britney Spears – Here’s another great costume idea for a girl. Have her put on a skimpy, sparkly outfit, pour a beer all over her clothes to get the right aroma, shave her head, and then have her crash her bike into the bushes at every stop. And for extra credit? Have her carry a couple of baby dolls on her bike and drop them along the way.
The Sinking U.S. Dollar – Another great group costume idea, this one would involve having your kid dress up in all green, and then sending him around with kids dressed as a Japanese Yen, a Euro, a British Pound, a Canadian Dollar, etc. To make it realistic, have the other kids beat the crap out of him at every stop.
